wrestling....at a wedding?

hola amigos. what's shakin'? i know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but the waters are not always smooth in lake whelanwuest (reward to whoever knows the genius behind this... ). so, my most recent chinese escapade took me to 黄骅 (huanghua), a little town three hours outside beijing--if western avenue was a town, this would be it, albeit with more fluorescent lights. one of my chinese roommates high school friends (got that?) got married, so i was my roommate's date. seriously, words cannot describe the amazingly awkward experiences i encountered. i essentially was the foreign exchange student from 'can't hardly wait'. they all spoke a dialect, which i did not understand, so it was two days filled with blank stares and fake laughs. nonetheless, the bride, groom and their parents were excited to have me there, which they expressed by holding my hands... a lot.

so, the last wedding i attended involved several hundred irish catholics drinking and dancing in a large tent, followed by a mods-esque after-party in a motel parking lot with a keg. yeeeaaah, the chinese do things a little differently than the whelans. after waking up at 4:30am, we went to the bride's home and watched her get ready for two hours...enthralling. then we went to the groom's house, where they had a five minute ceremony outside in the freezing cold. after they shot off firecrackers that sounded more like a machine guns, everybody sprinted inside where we spent the following two hours in a bedroom. if middle schoolers had a wedding, this is how i imagine it would be. for those two hours i stood at the side of the room in a comatose and watched as the groom's younger brother--who sort of reminded me of a chinese chuck bass, minus the looks, martini, turtleneck and billionaire father, yeah, i don't know why--attempted to wrestle with the bride, and as her friends protected her from such aggressive behavior...see video. finally, at 9am, i was able to take a much needed nap. the lunch banquet was great, A LOT of food and drunk men (at 11:30am). to end the day, my roommate took me to a foot massage parlor....'nuff said.

all in all, it was a valuable, uncomfortable, exhausting and entertaining experience. below are some images and multimedia.

a tradition? i just don't know.

the couple.
yes. i can't wait for my wedding photos.
if only you could see the full album.
an airbrushed masterpiece.
this man, who apparently is already married and was wastey face(notice the asian flush), was mad hitting on that girl. so the one dude at our table kept filling up him up and offering toasts. at one point--behind his back, of course--he made a beer-bai jiu (direct translation: white alcohol, basically, china's vodka) concoction. after downing it, the baller spat it out all over the floor. no shame.

endnote: look mama, i didn't swear once, you fucking happy now?