at the start of the summer, young, wide-eyed, impressionable maeve loved travelling on the red-eye wonder that is the sleeper bus. the cozy cocoon-esque doubledecker beds seemed mystical and glorious. even as the yunnan mountainous terrain sent the bus winding around corners, i believed in these vehicles, i lived for them. well, this past week i have opened a new chapter in my life entitled 'die sleeper bus, die!'
our journey across the southern silk road, where we picked up a travelling breakdancing spaniard along the way, began with a sleeper bus. it had been the first one in awhile and after a night on the hard seaters, we were giddy for it. turns out lonely planet hasn't kept up with the chinese times--surprise, surprise--and what was supposed to be a 16-hour ride was actually cut down to 6-hours. so, we never actually slept in that guy. bummer.
flash forward a week. after an incredible experience in kashgar and karakul lake where we rode on motorcycles with locals, had a funny birthday celebration with some brits and aussies--if you see me ask me about the thailand prison and shanghai kindergarten stories--we boarded the 25-hour bus from kashgar to urumqi--trivia for ya'll: urumqi is the furthest city from the sea...in the world. neat! once again, after a few terrible normal bus experiences, we were looking forward to laying down...fuck that. not a fun way to spend a whole day.
a day later, without any other mode of transportation, we had to ride another overnighter. this time, we got to choose our beds, and since the back of the bus had beds that were completely flat, we jumped all over them. so, i know that the back of the bus is the cool place to be. you know, the hot spot for truth-or-dare, roll-calls, or if you were a member of the 2000 8th grade parker boys soccer team...wait, no, shouldn't bring that up. anyways, that rule does not apply here. the word 'bumpy' doesn't even give those 17 hours justice.
finally, last night, as i stepped onto my final sleeper bus, i had a good feeling about it. the beds were the best that we had seen. completely flat and longer, too... i could almost completely stretch out. it would be a good night. well, of course, about two hours in, the damn machine broke down. we waited for another two hours for a second bus to come, but when it came, it turned into a free-for-all of who could get a seat. luckily we scored the first two top bunks--learning from our last mistake. dear sleeper buses, you've served your purpose and for that i thank you. now, peace brah.
so yeah, tomorrow i head to the beijinger where some friends will try to convince me that it isn't the filthy, disgusting place that it really is. don't worry, they won't succeed. on friday, i will be departing chiner. to be honest, i am fucking terrified to return to the states... how do i socialize with people, again? but, then i think about a hot dougs hot dog, and i almost pee myself.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
lip my stocking
hola amigos. what's the deal? i know it's been a long time since i've rapped at ya, but the health fairy ain't been dropping dolla bills under my pillow these days. i caught some sort of bug last week, which left me coughin, sweatin, and not sleepin. but, now, the clouds are starting to part and the suns a shinin. so, anyways, now that all your burgers have been grilled, hot dogs charred, potato salads picked at, ya'll might be wondering, how the hell do you celebrate fourth of july in china. well, children, here's one way:
ok, first, i gotta give a brief introduction. i don't know if i have mentioned this already or not, but i seriously believe that the movie 'lost in translation' played a major role in my decision to study chinese. i'm not a fool, i know the movie takes place in tokyo, but chinese is just so hip these days, i caught the sino-fever. i remember watching it for the first time, though, and there was something about those neon lights and how out of place bill and scarlet looked/felt that pulled me in. and, the karaoke scene, of course. i mean, who wouldn't want to wear a pink wig, sing epic ballads off tune with local asian friends. so yeah, that has been a major fantasy of mine for some time.
flash forward: july 4, 2008. chynna and i check out the terracotta soldiers in the morning. i feel awful. no appetite, my head is pounding and my bowels are just being cruel to me. fourth of july is looking grimm for maeve. by the afternoon, after some advil and rest, i'm feeling much better. we start playing some pool--we have one rule this summer: whenever we see a pool table, we have to play. it's been awesome--when all of a sudden a group of chinese girls walk in and chynna gets really excited. you see, these ladies are not just any chinese broads, but in fact, the chicks that chynna met the night before when i had gone to be wicked early. chynna had been reading in the hostel bar/cafe area when the aforementioned group started talking to her. eventually, they asked her if she 'liked girls'. apparently they assumed that we were a lesbian couple travelling around together. after chynna laughed-- we are fully aware that we do indeed look like a gay couple. in fact, we have decided that the title of my memoir will be: 'my summer in china; or how i became a lesbian'... we're still working on the spelling...--she returned the question to which she received a positive response. our first real chinese friends=a group of lesbians... yes! so, they came back on the 4th and, wait for it, took us out to KTV (karaoke in private rooms)! really, no words to describe the euphoria. no offense america, but i don't think your silly little barbeques, parades and sparklers will ever rival pouring my heart out to whitney and celine, wearing a pink wig (!) and bonding with a group of dope chinese lesbians. bob harris would have been proud.
whew. long. ok. so tonight we begin our journey west... starting with a 16-hour train ride in hard seaters. glory god help me!
ok, first, i gotta give a brief introduction. i don't know if i have mentioned this already or not, but i seriously believe that the movie 'lost in translation' played a major role in my decision to study chinese. i'm not a fool, i know the movie takes place in tokyo, but chinese is just so hip these days, i caught the sino-fever. i remember watching it for the first time, though, and there was something about those neon lights and how out of place bill and scarlet looked/felt that pulled me in. and, the karaoke scene, of course. i mean, who wouldn't want to wear a pink wig, sing epic ballads off tune with local asian friends. so yeah, that has been a major fantasy of mine for some time.
flash forward: july 4, 2008. chynna and i check out the terracotta soldiers in the morning. i feel awful. no appetite, my head is pounding and my bowels are just being cruel to me. fourth of july is looking grimm for maeve. by the afternoon, after some advil and rest, i'm feeling much better. we start playing some pool--we have one rule this summer: whenever we see a pool table, we have to play. it's been awesome--when all of a sudden a group of chinese girls walk in and chynna gets really excited. you see, these ladies are not just any chinese broads, but in fact, the chicks that chynna met the night before when i had gone to be wicked early. chynna had been reading in the hostel bar/cafe area when the aforementioned group started talking to her. eventually, they asked her if she 'liked girls'. apparently they assumed that we were a lesbian couple travelling around together. after chynna laughed-- we are fully aware that we do indeed look like a gay couple. in fact, we have decided that the title of my memoir will be: 'my summer in china; or how i became a lesbian'... we're still working on the spelling...--she returned the question to which she received a positive response. our first real chinese friends=a group of lesbians... yes! so, they came back on the 4th and, wait for it, took us out to KTV (karaoke in private rooms)! really, no words to describe the euphoria. no offense america, but i don't think your silly little barbeques, parades and sparklers will ever rival pouring my heart out to whitney and celine, wearing a pink wig (!) and bonding with a group of dope chinese lesbians. bob harris would have been proud.
whew. long. ok. so tonight we begin our journey west... starting with a 16-hour train ride in hard seaters. glory god help me!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
a marriage for the walking
ok, folks. it's over. i'm done. finito. i have found my paradise. and no, it is not the newly named 'shangri-la', that would just be too cliche. it is, in fact, lugu lake, which is on the border of yunnan and sichuan provinces. first of all, we weren't even planning on coming to this exquisite destination, but as luck would have it, and with a little help from the mccarthy-hating political party--once again, i'm being careful with my words here--we stumbled upon the lake. you see, we had planned on trekking across southwesten sichuan, but since it is an ibettay region, we couldn't even buy tickets at the bus station. so, after one last trip to mama naxi's in lijiang--and one more goodbye necklace and kiss--we jumped in a van with two chinese photographers and four exchange students from singapore for the seven hour journey.
lugu lake sits at 2685 meters on the yunnan-guishou plateau, is surrounded by gorgeous--said in a thick new york accent--mountains, and has crystal-clear blue water...something i had never seen in china. additionally, and the real reason why i'm never leaving, the mosu people reside in the area. according to lonely planet, the mosu are the last practicing matriarchal society in the world...but this ain't yo' normal mama sits at the head of the table society. they have this long-standing tradition known as zou hun, 'walking marriage'. so, the women of the village call the men over for the night. the dudes, hoever, have to arrive later than midnight and leave before daybreak, because if they are caught by the parents, they have to work for the girlfriend's family for three years....dang, talk about some killer walk of shames, though. moreever--said in a thick jimmy carter accent--if the man is willing and able, he can have multiple lady friends and if a child is produced he bears no responsibility. side note: the men do, however, help in rearing other children in their family, i.e. his sister's kids and what not. so yeah, pretty fascinating place.
in other news, i've got killer teva/flip-flop, watch, shorts and wife-beater tan lines going. and, chynna now has a natural, accidental mohawk.
lugu lake sits at 2685 meters on the yunnan-guishou plateau, is surrounded by gorgeous--said in a thick new york accent--mountains, and has crystal-clear blue water...something i had never seen in china. additionally, and the real reason why i'm never leaving, the mosu people reside in the area. according to lonely planet, the mosu are the last practicing matriarchal society in the world...but this ain't yo' normal mama sits at the head of the table society. they have this long-standing tradition known as zou hun, 'walking marriage'. so, the women of the village call the men over for the night. the dudes, hoever, have to arrive later than midnight and leave before daybreak, because if they are caught by the parents, they have to work for the girlfriend's family for three years....dang, talk about some killer walk of shames, though. moreever--said in a thick jimmy carter accent--if the man is willing and able, he can have multiple lady friends and if a child is produced he bears no responsibility. side note: the men do, however, help in rearing other children in their family, i.e. his sister's kids and what not. so yeah, pretty fascinating place.
in other news, i've got killer teva/flip-flop, watch, shorts and wife-beater tan lines going. and, chynna now has a natural, accidental mohawk.
Friday, June 13, 2008
mama store yo' stuff fo' FREE
whoa. it has been a long time, yo. here's a snapshot of recent events and stufff.hangzhou=over. i shall miss thee sweet ol' harry potter-meets-scarborough fair-street-cleaning truck theme song. and you too, tad. hellogoodbye will forever remind me of cruising around on all of your bright green glory.
the first week of summer vacation brought yunnan. mama naxi (pronounced nah-SEE). tiger leaping gorge. back to the chinese food diet. french-canadian travel friends. first degree sunburns. sleeper-bus nests. naked sleeping. yak meat. uncooperative pigs. kung fu/tai chi monestary. tipping points. 24 hour solo train ride.
the second week was luxury in hong kong. and i ate lox. it was delicious.
best story:
i'm out to dinner in kunming and i had to pee so i cruise through a creepy alley into the public bathroom, which consists of a long troth and short 3 foot separating walls... no doors. there i am, squatting, doing my business when this little girl strolls in and comes straight to my notso private stall. as im peeing she casually asks me "are you a foreigner?"...let's think about this. i'm 5'9, got blue eyes and am wearing flip-flops, as the wise gob once said, COME ON! i answer her question anyway, because she's super cute and i'm simultaneously plotting how i can steal her, but apparently girlfriend just wasn't satisfied and continued to stand there, just, watching me. i never thought i would ever be forced to make small talk with a 4 year old while popping a squat...new experience, people, neeew experiences. but wait, oh no, it's not over. when i'm paying the 2 jiao, the little devil runs up behind me and slaps my ass... whaaaat? hello sexual harassment!
k. cool. tomorrow, i head back to yunnan and will continue traveling. first stop: zhong dian, now known as 'shangri-la'. in order to boost tourism, the chinese gov't declared it the real life location of james hilton's mythical, age-defining paradise from the lost horizon. so yeah. if you never hear from me again it's because i'm chilling at the lamasery, playing some unknown chopin pieces, conversing with perrault, falling in love with lo-tsen and learning how to live for a few more centuries.
below is my last installment of visual delights, as my computer is going home with my sister manana. enjoy children. and i'll hit y'all up next time i can.
tim's first day in china. who's the creeper now buddy?
chynna in her nest on the sleeper bus. 
lijiang in the morning, before the tourists swarm...
yes.
waterfall at tiger leaping gorge.
legend says that this here is where a tiger leapt to freedom from hunters. yeaaah boi!
in the gorge.
savage water features yo!
yes.
waterfall at tiger leaping gorge.
legend says that this here is where a tiger leapt to freedom from hunters. yeaaah boi!
in the gorge.
savage water features yo!
ok. here is the infamous mama naxi of mama naxi's guesthouse in lijiang.not only does she make a dank muesli with yogurt, strawberries and honey,
but her cell phone ringtone is 'blvd of broken dreams'
by green day as well... hilario.
look how she grabbed my hand. basically, obessssed.
damn you self-timer!tim and i planned this totally rad pic,
but alas, my canon was too quick for us.
hence the awkward pre-jump pose.
hong kong hotel view. cnn? oil? the real world? a stark contrast from yunnan, no?
lamma island.
lamma island.
ah, the fragrant harbour.
Monday, May 26, 2008
donna martin graduates!
whoa. finals are here. if my life were a tv show, this week would be the season finale and heady shit would go down. but alas, it's not, so instead this splendid time is filled with studying for two tests, an oral presentation (done, schwing!) and a two-person skit, yes, a skit...oh, man, takes me back to ms. stockmann's drama class circa late 90's. i, also, sadly to say, have been frequenting starbucks a lot recently since i cannot study in my room, and, truth be told, miss good coffee. tonight, however, i was rewarded kindly for such indulgent behavior. you see children, i was preparing for my lit final tomorrow when an employee came over and invited me to participate in their 'party' beginning at 6 o'clock. of course i accepted. to make things easy, i have created a bulleted outline of the glorious festivities.- first, we--there were about 10 other guests--were escorted to the back area of the cafe and got to order any drink we wanted for free.
- then, we filled out a card with our names, favorite store--yeah, i didn't really get it, so left that part blank--and favorite starbucks drink.
- after this brief introduction, they gave us a sample cup of water--not sure why, perhaps to cleanse our palettes?--and told us to down it. then filled it with coffee, made us smell it and slowly sip it. once we finished half of it, they came around and poured orange juice, yes, orange juice, in it and instructed us to finish it. whaaaat? as expected, orange juice + coffee=not so delicious.
- now, it was time for the games.
- game one: spelling contest! after taking us behind the bar and showing us how to make a caramel macchiato, they had us spell out 'caramel macchiato' in english and in chinese. i spelled it correctly in english, although had no idea what it was called in chinese, yet still managed to score a 'geography is a flavour' map type thing.... score!
- game two: picture contest! we were split into two groups. they gave us a bunch of little, colored magnets and we had to make a collage to be judged by the employee moderators. my group made a picture that read: SC (for starbucks and coffee, respectively) = heart. creative, no? the other group wrote out 'love' and had two stick figures holding hands. they declared all of us winners...oh man, takes me back to the parker-'everybody is a winner'-days--and gave us a fold-up starbucks shopping back thing.... and one!
- game three: trivia! they asked us three questions: where was the first starbucks? when did the first starbucks come to hangzhou? and, how many starbucks are there in hangzhou? i answered the first one right--seattle, duh!-- and won myself a purple stuffed rat... count it!
- game four: bonding game! so, for the last game, we played a middle-school retreat/NOLS/MOO-esque game. i'm too lazy to write it all out, but i'll tell you this much, it involved holding hands in a circle, pointing, dancing and singing. but yeah, do you believe in miracles? yes! yes! because just as those young americans defeated the unbeatable russians, i, too, came out victorious in this underdog battle.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
crazy eights
so, i don't know if y'all have noticed, but this year, thus far, has certainly been an interesting one for china. according to superstitious folk, however, this is not a coincidence. in china, eight is the luckiest number because the word for eight 'ba' resembles the word for prosper 'fa'--source: 'numbers in chinese culture'. yeah middlebury, i referenced wikipedia, whatchu gonna do bout it?! anyways, since the beijing olympics are in 2008, the chinese figured, well shit, that's kinda lucky, now lets make it even more auspicious...so the opening ceremonies are scheduled to begin on 08.08.08 at 8:08:08pm. recently, due to unfortunate events, some are nervous that all this eight business is backfiring. check out this nutso/creeeepy conspiracy i just heard. (ellen-i basically copy-and-pasted this from the email i sent you, so you can skip over the next paragraph)
since the start of the year there have been 3 major, not so fortunate events: a massive snowstorm that stalled all the trains and prevented a whole lot of people from going home for the new year, the riots in tibet and now, this devasting earthquake. here's where shit gets totally crazy...the dates of each occurence add up to eight... snowstorm: january 25 (1+2+5), riots: march 14 (3+1+4) and earthquake: may 12 (5+1+2).....ahh conspiracy theory! clearly there is some sort of higher power and it is not happy with the chinese. i have decided that for the remaining "eight" days--tomorrow for instance--i am going to be extra cautious.
in other news, the olympic torch came to hangzhou on sunday morning. ann, chynna and i went to check it out, but due to a two-layer wall of people--see picture--we were unsuccessful. nonetheless, it was still quite an experience. a lot of screaming and 'i heart china' t-shirts, my favorite was the 'i heart china more than ever!' slogan....because let's face it, before i only sort of loved china, but now, maaaaaan, you don't even know!
everybody was screaming, and i mean screeeeaming, 'jia you (gee-ah yo)!'
direct translation: add more gas!
my entourage
since the start of the year there have been 3 major, not so fortunate events: a massive snowstorm that stalled all the trains and prevented a whole lot of people from going home for the new year, the riots in tibet and now, this devasting earthquake. here's where shit gets totally crazy...the dates of each occurence add up to eight... snowstorm: january 25 (1+2+5), riots: march 14 (3+1+4) and earthquake: may 12 (5+1+2).....ahh conspiracy theory! clearly there is some sort of higher power and it is not happy with the chinese. i have decided that for the remaining "eight" days--tomorrow for instance--i am going to be extra cautious.
in other news, the olympic torch came to hangzhou on sunday morning. ann, chynna and i went to check it out, but due to a two-layer wall of people--see picture--we were unsuccessful. nonetheless, it was still quite an experience. a lot of screaming and 'i heart china' t-shirts, my favorite was the 'i heart china more than ever!' slogan....because let's face it, before i only sort of loved china, but now, maaaaaan, you don't even know!
even though i am taller than most chinese, i'm not that tall. bummer.
everybody was screaming, and i mean screeeeaming, 'jia you (gee-ah yo)!'direct translation: add more gas!
my entourage
Thursday, May 15, 2008
who's the awkward one now?
as you have probably figured out, i love awkward moments, live for them, at times, even seek out these muscle-cringing experiences. most of the time, i am fully aware--at least i think i am--that what i am doing, or the situation i am in, is uncomfortable and take it all in. what i am slowly realizing, however, is that some chinese people put my awkwardness to shame, but don't even realize they possess such an empowering attribute.
two examples:
a. i was working at a cafe, and the woman sitting next to me asked to look at my work. i handed her my material, and thought after a few minutes she would simply return it and we would both continue with our respective activities. well, just moments later, she pulled a chair up to my table and began drilling me about my chinese. we hit an awkward silence, so i signaled that i should continue working, once again thinking she would head out. but, no... instead she told me she wanted to watch me work. whaaaaat? so...i...did. it was weird. about twenty minutes later, she asked for my email address and left. while i was tempted to give her the address i usually give people i don't actually want to hear from again--hrosen@middlebury.edu--but i decided that was not necessary. still haven't heard from her though...should i be insulted?
2. a few weeks later, the SAME thing happened, except this time instead of studying, i was running on a treadmill. so yeah, i was just getting my treadmill on, and this little chinese staff lady came to my side. i removed my headphones, and said hello. after returning the greeting, she just stood there...watching me. i had NO idea what to do. so...i...kept running. a minute later she reached over and increased my elevation. um, thanks? then, she left. i thought i was in the clear, but, once again, was mistaken. instead, she came back with some paper towels so i could wipe off my sweat. um, thanks? after 13 minutes of her staring and periodically jumping up and down due to excitement(?), i cruised over to the rowing machine. she squatted down next to me and then just started talking and talking and talking...'i want to speak english with you! oh! but i can't! it's too bad! hehe! i want to take you to my hometown with my boyfriend! hehe! you are so tall, i am trying to grow taller--good luck with that girlfriend--hehe! etc...' after ten minutes, i gave in and we exchanged cell phone numbers. i have since received many text messages from her, asking me when i'm going to return. (un)fortunately, i threw out my back--the same thing happened to me just two days before the production of 'hair' sophomore year of high school. i was bed ridden for a full day and was deathly terrified i wouldn't be able to star in the musical as 'no-name tribe member #7'. but, alas, stole that fucking show--so haven't been back in a few days. as for that trip with her and her boyfriend, i'm thinking about it...
annnnd, totally unrelated to china....today is a glorious day for chicagoans all over the world. after two long, liver-less years, the city council finally reversed the ban on foie gras. now i can look forward to eating a 'joe moore/tom tunney' when i get home...
hot doug's: 1 chicago: 0
two examples:
a. i was working at a cafe, and the woman sitting next to me asked to look at my work. i handed her my material, and thought after a few minutes she would simply return it and we would both continue with our respective activities. well, just moments later, she pulled a chair up to my table and began drilling me about my chinese. we hit an awkward silence, so i signaled that i should continue working, once again thinking she would head out. but, no... instead she told me she wanted to watch me work. whaaaaat? so...i...did. it was weird. about twenty minutes later, she asked for my email address and left. while i was tempted to give her the address i usually give people i don't actually want to hear from again--hrosen@middlebury.edu--but i decided that was not necessary. still haven't heard from her though...should i be insulted?
2. a few weeks later, the SAME thing happened, except this time instead of studying, i was running on a treadmill. so yeah, i was just getting my treadmill on, and this little chinese staff lady came to my side. i removed my headphones, and said hello. after returning the greeting, she just stood there...watching me. i had NO idea what to do. so...i...kept running. a minute later she reached over and increased my elevation. um, thanks? then, she left. i thought i was in the clear, but, once again, was mistaken. instead, she came back with some paper towels so i could wipe off my sweat. um, thanks? after 13 minutes of her staring and periodically jumping up and down due to excitement(?), i cruised over to the rowing machine. she squatted down next to me and then just started talking and talking and talking...'i want to speak english with you! oh! but i can't! it's too bad! hehe! i want to take you to my hometown with my boyfriend! hehe! you are so tall, i am trying to grow taller--good luck with that girlfriend--hehe! etc...' after ten minutes, i gave in and we exchanged cell phone numbers. i have since received many text messages from her, asking me when i'm going to return. (un)fortunately, i threw out my back--the same thing happened to me just two days before the production of 'hair' sophomore year of high school. i was bed ridden for a full day and was deathly terrified i wouldn't be able to star in the musical as 'no-name tribe member #7'. but, alas, stole that fucking show--so haven't been back in a few days. as for that trip with her and her boyfriend, i'm thinking about it...
annnnd, totally unrelated to china....today is a glorious day for chicagoans all over the world. after two long, liver-less years, the city council finally reversed the ban on foie gras. now i can look forward to eating a 'joe moore/tom tunney' when i get home...
hot doug's: 1 chicago: 0
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